Don’t remember me this way. I wasn’t always a shadow dancing effortlessly on the wall, following my form wherever it may go. At one time I actually led my own life. And I charged it into bedrooms and burst it out of boardroom mentality, because I was a free spirit goddammit. But a few shocks to the soul later and sobering situations settling in, becoming clear—the kind that would sever even the strongest spirits—and there I was, a shadow of myself. And I didn’t recognize myself; but I didn’t need to, because I was circling around the same treads of thoughts in my head. I said hello to the same version of me, over and over and over.
Shadow selves don’t know that’s what they are. Which isn’t to say the darkness wasn’t a ton of fun. Fatalism can be kickass fun, yo. All the lovers I conquered as their moods sunsetted. All the dawns I partied to and never thought of the sun as re-rising upon myself. Stellar times. But like St. Lucia here, I didn’t want this to be the way anyone remembers me. Even thinking back a year ago, I’d like to roll back the tape and revert myself out of their memories. Sure I was a freak in the sheets, but that’s also what I was: a freak. The best St.Lucia tracks, this Bearstronaut remix included (but also “Too Close” and “Before the Dive“), are about being outside yourself looking in. The awkwardness soaking the air in the moments of pause before the surge; but those are never how you want to be remembered, waiting to be free.
(via The Sights and Sounds)